Day 28: You, last year and this year – how have you changed?
This is supposed to be another photo post: me last year and this year. NO MORE PHOTOS. Anyway, physically there aren’t enough changes worth banging on about. The biggest change is that I look more worn out, my complexion is duller and my eyes less sparkly. In short, the blush of youth has retreated even further away and I just look consistently ill. Hardly worth mentioning, really.
I’d rather talk about an internal change I’ve noticed in myself from two years ago to now.
I spend a lot less time being negative and depressed. I’ve worked hard for this, making a conscious effort to monitor my moods and reactions by taking a step back from myself to observe as a third person.
I censor myself a lot more now. Normally that would be a bad thing – I’m not into self censorship, to a point, but in my case I realised that randomly ranting and raving about certain topics only fed my negativity until it was fat enough to crush me. Not productive at all. It’s good to let it out, but bang on and on about it and you don’t get anything done. You don’t change the situation and you don’t create anything better out of it.
That’s not to say I don’t still have the occasional online rant, but I don’t dwell on the bad as long as I used to. I’m moving along a lot faster now (probably to a lot of people’s relief…).
My happy blog has helped a lot in this regard – I’m training my mind to turn towards the good things in life rather than pick out the bad. I noticed this happening even today. I had an awful walk to work (for no other reason than it just seemed like everything and everyone was getting in my way) and nearly posted a rant-tweet but pulled myself up and said if I wanted to post a rant, I had to first post a positive. Then, if I still felt like having a whinge I could. Sure enough, after I commented on how awesome the warm breeze felt early in the morning I didn’t feel like complaining at all.
I’ll always be a work in progress. Now I just have to try and work out what I’m progressing towards.
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