price check on me please

I don’t know what I ever did to cupid to piss him off so much but that little cherub has been kicking my arse for way too long now. Time to stop.

 

Seriously, how much more bad love karma can I have?

 

I really am over being made to feel like a chump, hanging around purely for someone else’s amusement.

 

This week I hit the realisation that someone means more to me than I do to them. It’s not nice, and I’m doing everything I can to make sure that doesn’t turn into feeling totally powerless, deflated, deficient.

 

I belittle myself to put up with that. I sell myself short. I am worth more than that. I’m worth wooing, dammit.

 

A person is worth love. A person is not worth indifference.

 

So, cupid, you fat little s.o.b, cut me a little slack ok?

baby steps (or: my neighbours suck)

I started a new blog space yesterday which you can check out here, if you so desire. I consider it the hyde to my jekyll, in that I’m attempting to make it a space where only the happyjoy moments in my day make it through.

 

It may be a very sparse blog indeed.

 

I am compelled to try the positive thing though. For too long I have been feeding the awful horrible stressful painful moments of my life. It’s time to balance things out, refocus my eyes and see the other side.

 

This is day two. I’ve hit struggletown.

 

I’m tired, and I can’t go to sleep because the neighbours, the idiotic geriatric psychopathic turdfaces who really need to move the hell back to Koondoola or whatever other bogan hole they crawled out of, decided they suddenly wanted to listen to music very loudly, at 1130 at night. No, not until 1130 at night, from 1130 at night. God knows when they’ll decide to turn it off and go to bed. Midnight’s been and gone. Could be a while.

 

Thing is, I moved myself and my pillow out of my bedroom at the back of the house and onto the couch at the front of the house because they were out the back crapping on. With my positive bent I thought, ‘how exciting, breaking it up a bit, sleeping on the couch for the night! And yay, it’s so mild tonight I don’t even need a blanket’.

 

Now they’re pumping (shitarse) tunes in the lounge which shares a common wall with mine, while they sit out the back wasting perfectly good air that should be used for more worthwhile purposes than filling their lungs. Therefore, I can’t sleep anywhere in silence until they decide to shut the fuck up.

 

If someone hadn’t already started a fuck-my-life blog, I could have made a lot of money by now.

 

endrant. beginspin.

 

Every single situation has a seed of positive. What I’m trying to train myself to do with the new blog is notice the good seeds more. I know I’m going to have to be content with baby steps. I’m going to fall over on my face a lot. But at least I’m trying.

 

So, the good right now, right at this moment when my eyes are hanging out of my head and my own homespace is not my own, is that I’m writing. I started this blog to write, and haven’t done that for a while. This crappy situation has brought me back. Yays.

 

And it will be so fun at 6am tomorrow morning when I have to get up, to crank the drum and bass right next to their bedroom wall.

 

Oh yes, I think I’ll have a very positive grin on my face tomorrow morning.