Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future.
Today, mid morning, after nothing extraordinary occurred, I felt a wave of utter loneliness smack into me. I deflated like a sad balloon.
It’s been too long since I’ve had a proper relationship and every now and then I give up the daily struggle to be ok about that; I tire of waiting patiently. I get sick of hugging myself.
There are only so many times you can tell yourself you never know what’s around the corner, you shouldn’t give up, that the world works in its own time frame.
If I could see my future it would save me a lot of angst. I wouldn’t keep worrying about never finding a lover to share my life with and being alone for the rest of my life.
I refuse to settle; I still believe that I’ll know love when I see it and there will be some sort of inner recognition that ‘this is the one’.
So, short answer is I don’t see a particular someone. The fog has rolled in over my future and I can’t see anything. I just have to keep hoping that under the fog is a man who loves me and who I love back, and wants to hang with me and watch me get wrinkly.
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