sympathy ban

Such dichotomy:

 

I seem to be pushing my close friends away while I sort out what’s going on with me at the moment, and yet, I have no qualms about laying out all my crud online. What’s with that?

 

I just don’t think I will be able to keep it together when physically confronted with sympathy and pity from those close to me.

 

I don’t like pity. Especially when it’s disguised as hyper-interest in other areas of my life. You know, like too much laughter when I try and crack a funny – I hate that. It’s wrong of me to be like that, because I know it’s done with the best intentions, but it just feels so very fake. I don’t know if I could stand it at the moment.

 

Or attempts to divert my attention from what’s really going on with me, like let’s ignore the elephant. Well I certainly don’t want to talk about the elephant either, but the fact is it’s standing on my toes, it’s painful, and it’s kind of in the way of me interacting with anyone else. Until I get rid of it myself, I’m just going to be hidden behind a big fat grey arse.

 

But online, I can gaze at my navel and display its myriad fluff with relative anonymity. I can purge, without expecting a return of pity and sympathy, and honestly, that’s exactly what I feel like at the moment.

 

I guess this is a thankyou. And, a promise that I’ll shut the hell up soon…

 

---

who knows if the moon’s

a balloon,coming out of a keen city

in the sky – filled with pretty people?

(and if you and i should

 

get into it,if they

should take me and take you into their balloon,

why then

we’d go up higher with all the pretty people

 

than houses and steeples and clouds:

go sailing

away and away sailing into a keen

city which nobody’s ever visited,where

 

always

              it’s

                    Spring )and everyone’s

in love and flowers pick themselves

-- ee cummings