the philosophy of integrity

I wonder if you have to reach a certain age first before you start learning more from the actions of others than what you learn from your own? Is there a point in time where the bulk of our learning switches from “ok, I did that wrong” to, “ok, he’s doing that wrong. Note to self: don’t do that”.

 

Maybe that’s what this ‘older and wiser’ thing I keep hearing about, is about?

 

It seems easier now to observe another person’s actions and see right through to the core of it; from their action I know how to – or not to, behave. I don’t even need to be the recipient of their behaviour to feel how wrong it is.

 

In this case though, I am the recipient, and I have learned this: at all times act with integrity. Be straightforward and honest. Don’t be a dick. Don’t give out an illusion, give the truth. Make sure everyone’s on the same page. Make sure anyone else you have entangled knows what’s going on. If all you want is to scratch an itch then fucking come out and say it. Don’t use and abuse and then be a prick about it.

 

Dishonesty is not becoming.

the philosophy of friendship

It’s only been over the last three of four years that I have had friendships physically dissolve in front of my eyes. Before then friends just drifted away to lead other lives in other places; not ending a friendship, just suspending it due to distance, and then time.

 

No, lately I’ve had friendships die in the arse because damaging situations – irreparable, or so I assume; I’m still not sure.

 

Every now and then I wonder if anything can be salvaged from the wreckage, or whether I just need to cut all cords for good and let the debris sink to the bottom of the dark and murky sea (to extend the metaphor too far).

 

How do you decide whether there’s anything left to hang a friendship on?

 

The closer someone is to me, the less I seem to be able to forgive them if they cross me. I know it should be the opposite, but I guess I just place too much of my sensitive self in the arms of my friends and lovers, meaning I’m hurt ten-fold if they do me wrong.

 

A bruise to the soul takes longer to heal.

I tend to shy away from show-downs unless I’m powered by aggression, and even then I would rather not let loose. I don’t like making people feel bad; it makes me too uncomfortable, even if they’re in the wrong.

 

Here’s a hint though: if you’ve wronged me, don’t wait for me to fix it. I’ll wait until the second coming and beyond before I’ll bring it up.

 

I don’t know. I thought starting this entry would bring everything into focus and I’d suddenly discover a solution. Perhaps I need to remember that people enter your lives to teach you something, and when the lesson’s finished, they leave.

30day challenge: is ovah!

Day 30: Your favourite song.

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I did it. I made it to the end, with only three lapses of being one day behind.

 

I’m not a fan of nominating my favourite anything – there’s too much finality in that statement. My tastes are always changing or always depend on what mood I’m in at the time.

 

But, if I had to nominate one song, it would be Two Months Off by Underworld. It’s always a solid fixture in my top ten favourite tracks, and I think it’s a fitting positive end to this challenge.

 

This song has everything – a cranking beat perfect for jumping around the house, a happy dancing man in the film clip with rainbows and puddle-fun, cowbell!!!, and a positive message:

 

You bring light in...
To a dark place
Walking in light
Glowing walking in light
Gold ring around you
The hues of you
The golden sunlight of you
You bring light in...
Cool wind following
Following after you
Rising for you
Your skin beautiful
Everything comes natural
Fantastic fan
Rocking rocking floating

 

Whenever I need to be cheered up, this song will do it.

 

 

 

Well that’s it folks! Hope you’ve enjoyed 30 days of random rambling.

 

Hugs,

me.

30day challenge: 29.

Day 29: In this past month what have you learned?

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Owing to one of the goals I set myself earlier in the month of trying to learn one new thing each day, I’ve learned a lot.

 

Did you know there are 58 Maori tribes? Did you know that copacetic means fine, excellent? Did you know that before the 1670s, clocks only had one hand? Did you know there’s a cylinder in a vault in France which determines how much a kilogram weighs? Did you know Pixar has a whole room dedicated to cereal for their employees to enjoy, apparently? And I think I learned something about corn but I forget it – always an even number of rows of kernels? Hm.

 

If I’m meant to allude to this challenge then this month has taught me that I do actually have a modicum of discipline within me which I should nurture and help grow beyond the boundaries of a boring blog into the sphere of housework, and exercise, and eating properly, and taking my lunches to work, and so on and so forth.

 

To borrow a quote from Ice Cube: I can do it put my back into it.

30day challenge: 28.

Day 28: You, last year and this year – how have you changed?

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This is supposed to be another photo post: me last year and this year. NO MORE PHOTOS. Anyway, physically there aren’t enough changes worth banging on about. The biggest change is that I look more worn out, my complexion is duller and my eyes less sparkly. In short, the blush of youth has retreated even further away and I just look consistently ill. Hardly worth mentioning, really.

 

I’d rather talk about an internal change I’ve noticed in myself from two years ago to now.

 

I spend a lot less time being negative and depressed. I’ve worked hard for this, making a conscious effort to monitor my moods and reactions by taking a step back from myself to observe as a third person.

 

I censor myself a lot more now. Normally that would be a bad thing – I’m not into self censorship, to a point, but in my case I realised that randomly ranting and raving about certain topics only fed my negativity until it was fat enough to crush me. Not productive at all. It’s good to let it out, but bang on and on about it and you don’t get anything done. You don’t change the situation and you don’t create anything better out of it.

 

That’s not to say I don’t still have the occasional online rant, but I don’t dwell on the bad as long as I used to. I’m moving along a lot faster now (probably to a lot of people’s relief…).

 

My happy blog has helped a lot in this regard – I’m training my mind to turn towards the good things in life rather than pick out the bad. I noticed this happening even today. I had an awful walk to work (for no other reason than it just seemed like everything and everyone was getting in my way) and nearly posted a rant-tweet but pulled myself up and said if I wanted to post a rant, I had to first post a positive. Then, if I still felt like having a whinge I could. Sure enough, after I commented on how awesome the warm breeze felt early in the morning I didn’t feel like complaining at all.

 

I’ll always be a work in progress. Now I just have to try and work out what I’m progressing towards.

30day challenge: 27.

Day 27: Why are you doing the 30 day challenge?

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Indeed.

 

Personal discipline is not really one of my strong points. I guess I wanted to start this to see if I could finish it.

 

One of my most annoying traits is that I start a lot of things after being filled with great ideas, then abandon them when they become dull and drawn out and overrun with practicalities. I can’t tell you how many half finished projects litter the corridors of my life.

 

It’s a habit I’m trying very hard to weed out.

 

So, main reason would be that.

 

I also want an excuse to write and this has given me a focus or direction for my words (although some of the topics have been a little flat). It’s been fun forming sentences longer than 140 characters. I like sentences. Sentences good. Good with the grammars.

 

Plus, I’m sure my thousands upon thousands of avid readers have had a fun journey learning a little bit more about the molecules that make up the Mel, absolutely.

 

pfft.

30day challenge: 26.

Day 26: What do you think about your friends?

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My friends are awesome.

 

Again, resisting the urge to write “The End” here because that’s what I think about my friends – they’re awesome. You. Are. All. Awesome.

 

Instead I’ll tell a story.

 

Once upon a time, a girl – recently adrift in the world of friends (owing to unfortunate incidents already discussed), started forming connections online with people she found interesting and entertaining and inspiring.

 

When they asked her to come outside and play in the real world, she did, deciding to be brave and follow her nose to see what adventures appeared.

 

They all proved to be the most magical and amazing people who would jump without hesitation to her or anyone else’s aid, lending ears for listening or shoulders to cry on or stories for laughter or hugs for the hell of it.

 

They opened their homes and their hearts without any hesitation. They accepted the girl and all her quirks without question.

 

And now, the girl, when she sits and marvels at what has happened over such a short time, can’t help but shake her head in disbelief at the workings of the world and the amount of totally awesome people in it.

 

The End.